EYEDOCKS JOKE PAGE

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How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Damn."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would 
kill you?
A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

WIZARD JOKE

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

They have finally been released!  For those not familiar with the  Darwin
Award. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the universal
human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the  most
extraordinarily stupid way.  As always, competition this year has been
keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for
this event.

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES 
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide 
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran,"  according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

3. Buxton, NC:  A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.  Beachgoers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday  afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.  People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,  trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment  almost an hour to free him while
200 people looked on.  Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

4.. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. 
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) crammed against the base of his skull as he hit
the floor.

5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, 
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest
Berrena was wearing.

6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del., as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a  revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a  tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near
Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked  the
spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.

DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS

(1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a
shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet  ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

(2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his  basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.

Texas Fireing Squad